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Some people dont feel safe in love unless its complete, absolute, and unconditional. Others (me, for one) only feel safe in love when it isnt. I feel safest when I, and those who love with me, know that love can never be complete, absolute, and unconditional, that unconditional love is only unconditional under certain conditions. If those certain conditions can be relied upon to last a long time, then love can feel unconditional, but it never really is.

This kind of romantic pragmatism can apply not only to loving relationships but to all the things we love. The question we all face is how to love in a world where everything changes; how to embrace life even though you dont get to keep it. For me the answer lies in romanticynicism.

Romanticynicism is a commitment to both the romantics yearning for happily ever after and the cynics detachment and indifference. (Not haughty indifference. Thats a recent addition to what started out as a respected school of Greek philosophy that cultivated neutrality.) Its not a hybrid or blending of the two. Its an extended stretch into both the warm fuzzies of the heart and the cool rationality of the head.

Either romanticism or cynicism alone is dangerous. Romantics are easily hurt. Cynics are readily hurtful. Averaged theyre bland. People who are mildly romantic and mildly cynical are mild. But if you can yoga-stretch yourself into a deep commitment to the romantic and a firm commitment to the cynical, even though the tension imposes some pain and un-resolvability upon yourself, the resulting state is bittersweet, vivid, and true.

The Quakers say, Build to last a hundred years; be ready to leave tomorrow.

The Buddhists say, Though my heart is on fire, my eyes are cold as ashes.

A New york Times editor said, Keep an open mind but dont let your brains spill out.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said, The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to act.

Shakespeare ends a dying mans love sonnet to his young lover, This thou perceivest, that makes thy love more strong, to love that well that thou must leave ere long. Stronger love, not weaker. To burn with love while knowing that it too shall pass.

To me, romanticynicism seems the only way to love safely, sanely, and generously. Generously because sometimes the most loving thing to do is to leave someone alone. True love requires a broad repertoire and the pragmatic flexibility to adapt to whats needed. True love cant be achieved with adoration aloneat least not these days.

These days humanity knows more about itself, more about the long view than ever before. Culturally, weve been around the block a few times. Weve seen all kinds of things. Our explanations are becoming more reliable and accurate. And because things are changing faster than ever, theres more evidence that what you love wont hold still for long. Its harder to be a pure romantic these days, believing we can cling to anyone or anything as if it will last forever. Even our sincerest beliefs wont hold still. Our loss of navet makes us conviction-impaired. Were naturally surrendering into the cynical, detached from what will soon disappear anyway.

Yet theres also more reason to be romantic. At least in rich countries, were accustomed to things going well. Our advanced market economy encourages romance, a belief that products, services, and people can make us happy ever after. Weve enjoyed reliable technological progress for long enough that we assume the ideal is forthcomingwhat isnt perfect now will soon be.

More reasons to hope; more reasons to be suspicious of hope. Our technological success has ingrained in us faith and confidence in the potential for happy endings, while our experience gives us more reasons to doubt that the endings we see will be happy.

Being torn between romance and cynicism is bound to feel unstable, but its also an admirably accurate way to interpret what life has to offer. Its like irony, the cultural movement whose motto is, No seriously, Im just kidding. Like irony, romanticynicism can be turned into glib escapism, as though a baldly stated paradox turns every utterance into nonsense. Stretching to put a foot in both camps can be a recipe for ungroundedness. But firm footing in both makes for an honest, profound way of life.

Id recommend romanticynicism to anyone, but I suspect that it comes naturally to some of us and not at all to others. Some people simply seem born to either believe or disbelieve. And certainly some circumstances make it harder to be romanticynical than others. I suspect my temperament and circumstances conspire to make romanticynicism the obvious solution.

I know people who also think it is the obvious solution, but dont pursue it because their temperaments wont complypeople who by mid-life recognize the flaws in a purely romantic view of love but just cant help falling and then getting burnt and then falling and getting burnt again. They get sadder but not wiserand they know it but cant figure out what to do about it.

The jurys out on whether we can adapt to the ironic age weve created. Romanticynicism seems the adaptive frame of mind for it, but one that some of us just cant get to from here.

Heres the full Shakespeare sonnet:

Sonnet 73

That time of year thou mayst in me behold When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, Bare ruind choirs, where late the sweet birds sang. In me thou seest the twilight of such day As after sunset fadeth in the west, which by and by black night doth take away, Deaths second self, that seals up all in rest.

In me thou seest the glowing of such fire, That on the ashes of his youth doth lie, As the death-bed whereon it must expire, Consumed with that which it was nourishd by. This thou perceivst, which makes thy love more strong, To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

Jeremy Sherman Ph.D. teaches life and social sciences, is executive director of the UC Berkeley Project on Emergent Dynamics, a program to develop a comprehensive theory on how purpose, goal setting and the pursuit of success emerged from a universe governed only by the laws of phyics and chemistry--a program to put goal-seeking behavior in a fully scientific context. Jeremy writes an article a week for the free e-newsletter and podcast "Mind Readers Dictionary: Tips for reading between the lines with greater comprehension."

Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D.
September 01, 2006
http://www.mindreadersdictionary.com
js@mindreadersdictionary.com

Much hype surrounds trendy workout machines, as seen in infomercials. There are so many to pick from, and while the various systems offer different exercises, they all promise the same thing: the body you've always wanted, as well as an overall improved lifestyle.

There's a hurdle to climb, however: some systems may not be practical for the way an individual wants to work out.

Nautilus has been producing Bowflex systems for about 20 years as of this writing, and these systems are extremely popular. They are not cheap, though, so be prepared to part with considerable cash when buying a new machine. While the company has a trial period and will refund your money if you're not satisfied, they won't refund the shipping charges, which can be immense for products the size of exercise machines. So, it can be helpful to try out the product you're interested in, if possible, before buying it.

Is there any merit to a home workout machine? Only if used as directed, as often as specified, and stuck to as a habit. That is what most consumers just won't do. One reason could be that the exercise is never enjoyable or convenient enough to become a likely habit. Another could be laziness. Yet another could be that the equipment is so large and cumbersome that it takes up too much living space, creating resentment, and would actually get more use if the person were to go to the gym to use it.

Bowflex has a system that mimics traditional weights through the use of various discs with built-in tension coils, as opposed to bars. When purchased new, this system, the Bowflex revolution home gym, comes with 220 pounds of discs and is capable of around 100 exercises. How many people will actually take advantage of all 100? Probably very few. Most will probably do the basics: bench, leg extensions, curls, etc. It can definitely do some good, although there is no real sense of weight balance because everything works through two pulleys. The Bowflex revolution works off resistance, so it's not as specific a workout as you would get from free weights, or a machine with a fixed bar.

revolution is also not meant for tall people. Those over 6' will very likely find it to be too small. There just won't be quite enough extension to do proper leg presses, for example.

There are pros and cons to any equipment, and no product is entirely perfect. The Ab Lounge for example is highly coveted for what it can do for abdominal strengthening, but some people find it to be so comfortable that they end up using it as a chair to watch television from instead of working out. It's good that it's comfortable -- that's the whole point, to make it comfortable to do crunches -- but that comfort may signal to some that they need to kick back instead of work out. So, it's impossible for every machine to be a winner for every person.

The bottom line: do your homework and take opportunities to try out equipment before you buy it. You know yourself better than the infomercial writers do, so do what is best for you and will serve your ultimate fitness goals.

Kathy Hildebrand is a professional writer who is easily bored with her "day job" assignments. So, she researches anything and everything of interest and starts writing. Writing about an extremely wide variety of subjects keeps her skills sharp, and gives her food for thought on future paid writing assignments.

More of her research and articles can be found at www.lasertargeted.com/bowflex and other sites around the internet.

In this age of the mobile phone, walkie talkies, or two-way radios, seem like an anachronism. However, many people who grew up before the 1990s may recall that no respectable private eye or detective story was complete without a walkie talkie being used while following a suspect or chasing a criminal!

You may not be the sort who likes to follow suspects or chase criminals as part of your daily activities, but you could still use a walkie talkie in your daily life. If you enjoy outdoor activities, love to go motorcycling, work in a school, college, pub or club or look after a little baby at home, you would find a walkie talkie a very useful gadget. You may need a walkie talkie system if your job requires you to move around from one point to another within a three kilometre range. The benefit over mobile phones is that they are license free and do not have any associated call charges.

For instance, you can use a regular baby monitor if you are at home downstairs and your baby is asleep upstairs, but what happens if you need to visit a neighbour? Some walkie talkies have a wider range than regular baby monitors and also include a baby monitor mode. You can leave one radio in the babys room and take the other wherever you gowhen the baby wakes up or begins to cry, you will know at once. The Cobra MT725 Value Pack is ideal for this.

Workers in pubs or clubs, or teachers and staff members in schools and colleges would find walkie talkies very effective and useful when communicating with colleagues. In both cases, workers and staff members may have to respond to emergencies, and may not be near a telephone. Walkie talkies can be clipped onto belts, and come with an earpiece-microphone combination to enable discreet communication. All you need to do to send a message is to press the Push to Talk button on the handset.

Motorcyclists can use a walkie talkie system that fits into their motorcycle helmets, along with the Push to Talk button that is mounted on the motorcycle handlebar or the recommended voice activation via a MICVOX. If you plan a motorcycle holiday with a group of friends, this system should enable you to stay in touch, over a distance of a mile, in all kinds of weather. You will also find a walkie talkie very useful on a skiing or mountaineering holidayyou may not be able to use mobile phones in the mountains or abroad as the roaming charges may be more than you want to pay!

If you are on the lookout for a suitable walkie talkie, all you need to do is take a virtual walk down our aisles at BB-Shopping.com. We stock Cobra and Entel Euro-Wave walkie talkies that you can use at home and outdoors. You can also purchase walkie talkie accessories and download manuals from our site.

Ian Williams

Walkie Talkies